Sex Tricks From Skin Flicks

9 ways adult movies can improve your sex life

WE'RE NOT HUGE FANS of adult movies, unless of course you can learn something from them. Then we're all for them! That's why we sent our sex writer home with 40 X-rated videos. When he emerged 3 days later broken and empty, he was still conscious enough to bring us these lessons for the bedroom.

Don't finish where you started
Three minutes is about as long as you'll see any two (or more) actors in the same sexual position; they'll reconfigure several times during a scene to keep things interesting. You should, too. It can keep you from ejaculating too soon.

Thrust one at a time
Penetrate slowly, then withdraw completely; wait a second and start over, 10 times. "insertion is everyone's favorite part of intercourse," says Mark Elliott, Ph.D., a sex therapist. (Maybe second favorite.) Repeating the initial insertion will help you savor the feeling. Be careful; you could like it so much that you finish before you're ready.

Use her legs
Have her lie on her back with one leg straight; the other leg should be pulled in toward her chest. Straddle her straight leg and support yourself with an arm hooked into the crook of her bent knee. "This allows good access, but because her legs are still together, she'll get lots of clitoral stimulation," says Elliott. That's a good thing.

Use your head
To keep your tongue from getting tired during oral sex, try sticking it out, closing your mouth around it, and moving your entire head. You'll last twice as long.

Bounce
If she's on top, have her sit still so you can do the bouncing--and control the speed of the friction. Bend your knees and use your thigh muscles. When you move up and down, you'll slide in and out. Stay in control so she doesn't slide all the way off.

Stay clothed
Usually, you get naked, then you have sex. Next time, try giving her oral sex through her panties. She'll like the way the damp cotton feels against her.

Stretch out
Have her lie flat on her back with her legs straight up in the air and her knees together. Kneel facing her, with your legs spread wide on the bed. Enter her with her feet resting over your shoulders. The advantage: You'll get deep, tight penetration without too much contortion.

Touch and tease
For a different sensation, use two fingers to stroke up and down to stimulate both sides of her clitoris without actually touching it.

Stop worrying about aim
You know her clitoris needs attention, especially as she nears climax. But it's hard to find such a tiny target when both your bodies are moving. Use the flat of your palm to make broad, quick circular motions around the front of her vaginal opening. That way, you're sure to hit the spot.

Source: Men's Health

Pest Control

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

"Quick," said the woman to her lover," into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked him.

"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.

"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.

"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.

"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said,... "Those little bastards."

http://www.jokes.vaty.net/

Hahaha ))))) lol!!!

Tru, Two

In the summer of 2003, after two years of research and writing, Douglas McGrath finished "Infamous," his screenplay based on the life of Truman Capote. As he had promised to do, he called his friend Bingham Ray, who was the executive on his last film, "Nicholas Nickleby."

"Good news," said McGrath, who also co-wrote "Bullets Over Broadway" with Woody Allen, and adapted and directed "Emma." "I finished my script!"

"I know," Ray said. "I've got it on my desk!"

"And I paused," McGrath recalled the other day, over lunch at La Grenouille, "and I said, 'Uh, no you don't, because I have it on my desk.'"

"No, it's right here," Ray insisted. "'Capote,' by Dan—" There followed, McGrath said, "what is known in the Wasp community as a polite pause."

Ray had another Capote script on his desk. To make matters worse, this script, by Dan Futterman, concerned the same period in Capote's life that "Infamous" did—the years during which he was working on "In Cold Blood."

"It's very strange," McGrath said, sitting up straight on the burgundy-colored banquette. McGrath, forty-eight, has thin blond hair, very good manners, a slight Texas accent, and he speaks in perfect sentences. "I mean, generally I have my finger on whatever the opposite of the Zeitgeist is. What are the chances of two scripts about Truman Capote going out at the same time?"

Futterman's "Capote" ended up getting made first, and went on to earn an Academy Award nomination for best picture and an Oscar for its star, Philip Seymour Hoffman. "Infamous," with the unknown British actor Toby Jones in the lead role, went into production a few months after "Capote," but Warner Independent, which financed the film, decided to hold it for a year. It opens on October 13th.

There are precedents for this kind of thing. In 1989, Milos Forman's "Valmont" covered the same ground as Stephen Frears's 1988 hit "Dangerous Liaisons"; hardly anyone saw "Valmont." In 1997, two volcano movies appeared, "Dante's Peak" followed by "Volcano"; again, the second one suffered. However, in 1998 two comet-hits-the-earth movies were released—"Deep Impact" then "Armageddon"—and both were hits. The makers of "Infamous" prefer to focus on that example. But whether a five-foot-three-inch writer from Monroeville, Alabama, holds the same universal fascination as the end of the world remains to be seen.

"Infamous" is funnier and gayer than "Capote," and it also shows a lot more of the author's New York life amid his society-lady "swans." La Grenouille, which has been on Fifty-second Street just east of Fifth Avenue since 1962, is the setting for several scenes, one with Babe Paley, played by Sigourney Weaver, and another with Marella Agnelli, played by Isabella Rossellini. McGrath and his production designer re-created the restaurant at Troublemaker Studios in Austin, where much of the film was shot.

"There's something about the goldenness of the light that we could never quite capture," McGrath said, looking up toward the ceiling. "It's the silk wall fabric, but it's also the way the sunlight comes through the glorious flower arrangements."

McGrath was seated at Capote's old table, the first banquette on the left. The restaurant's owner, Charles Masson, who is the son of the founder, drifted by to say that Capote had liked this table because it was relatively hidden: people arriving instinctively looked farther back in the room.

McGrath has not seen "Capote," which he and his friends refer to as "Tom," for The Other Movie. "I don't want to get into the position of commenting on it artistically," he said.

McGrath is an excellent mimic, and throughout lunch he dropped into his own version of Truman, lolling sideways in the banquette, and sounding just like "what a Brussels sprout would sound like if a Brussels sprout could talk," as Michael Panes, the actor who plays Gore Vidal, says in the film. McGrath succeeded in conjuring the dead writer from the silky velvet corner that had been his perch, and for a few moments he made it seem that one could never have enough Tru. But then he had to run—he was off to present his film at the Toronto Film Festival. The shade of Capote departed with him, as the sunlight faded from the golden walls of the dining room.

By: Seabrook, John, New Yorker, 9/25/2006